Bloody Insane
by Mystrana
Summary: Third story in my Valentines Day series. Totally insane, focusing on mainly Malik and Bakura. With Ryou, Yugi and Yami for fun! ^^


Hehehehe, I'm on a roll here, dammit! This is the third fic in my valentines series (the other fics are Beyblade, Harry Potter, and Kingdom Hearts), and it's supposed to be the craziest one, but the other ones are pretty weird too. Ummm, yeah.  
The cool air blew his silvery hair all over the place as Ryou Bakura ran as fast as he could to get out of the snow. It wouldn't have been that bad, but his jacket zipper had broke, and while that sucked majorly, he hadn't had time to buy a new jacket. Which was why he was wearing his jacket with the broken zipper in the first place.  
  
But that's besides the point. Ryou ran into the nearest store, hoping to wait the snow storm out. He looked around the small store, which had a huge valentines display in the middle of the room. He walked over to it, realizing something. His yami, Bakura, had been bugging him to help him find a valentine present for Malik, and Malik had been trying to get Ryou to help HIM find a valentine for Bakura.  
  
It made his head hurt, and even worse, he didn't have a clue what to tell both of them. What did Bakura want anyway? Chocolates? And Malik? What would he want? A heart shaped lighter?  
  
Ryou paused. That would actually be a good idea. Storing that bit of information into the back of his mind, he glanced outside to see if the storm had stopped. It was still snowing a lot, but it was calming down, so he decided to wait a few more minutes in hope of it calming down more.  
  
He turned to the valentines again. What would Bakura want? Seriously? And Malik? Shoving the thoughts out of his mind, Ryou ran back out into the storm, with the expression purpose of getting home as fast as humanly possible. If not faster.  
  
~~~  
  
He managed to get home within five minutes, considering it was usually a ten minute walk, that wasn't too bad. Unfortunately for him, when he opened the door he could see the locks littering the floor. /Oh, damn, Bakura got into my bloody sugar supply/ Ryou groaned mentally. /I had TEN locks on it this time! *TEN*/  
  
//Hmmm, what was that?// Ryou grimaced as his Yami talked to him through their mental link. It sounds not only like Bakura was on a sugar high but . . .  
  
/Yami, are you screwing around with Malik right now?/  
  
//'Ummm, what gave it away?//  
  
/Oh! Will you go away!/  
  
Ryou slammed his mental link shut as best as he could, and did his best to ignore the now even louder moans coming from the bedroom. /Every bloody day! I could set my watch to them. It's either Bakura is screwing Malik time, or Malik is screwing Bakura time, or rest time./ Ryou rolled his eyes and pulled out some dishes from the cupboards to start making dinner.  
  
The moans continued, at least until he threw a plate at the door, shattering it, and causing Bakura to try cut himself on all the shards, while Malik groaned as he thought of how much blood he was going to have to clean up.  
  
~~~  
  
After getting all 28 and 3/7 shards of glass out of Bakura's hands and legs, Malik, Bakura and Ryou sat down for dinner. Ryou had intended to make some simple ramen, but he had to clean up the glass and blood, so he had had Malik order food instead, and now they were all eating . . . heart shaped pizza . . .  
  
"Who makes heart shaped pizza anyway?" Malik said, biting into a piece of sausage pizza.  
  
"Obviously the idiots who made this pizza did," Bakura retorted.  
  
"Well, it's getting on my nerves," Malik muttered, getting a glint in his eyes.  
  
"No! Don't you dare destroy the pizza!" Ryou called suddenly.  
  
Malik paused, halfway through getting out a match and lighting it to burn the pizza. "Oh, come on, it's heart shaped and everything! It's just BEGGING to be burned."  
  
Ryou groaned. "No. Go kill some nice, innocent happy people getting ready to celebrate Valentine's Day, will ya?" He gulped, "Wait, don't ACTUALLY kill them!"  
  
But it was too late. Heart shaped pizza forgotten, Malik and Bakura were already half way out of the door and going god knows where.  
  
"Not this again," Ryou said, and then started to clean up the heart shaped pizza, hoping Bakura and Malik wouldn't be TOO destructive.  
  
Heh, like that would ever happen.  
  
~~~  
  
"Ok, where to, then?" Bakura asked, grinning.  
  
Malik gave him a 'look' that plainly said, 'Yugi's. Duh!'  
  
And so off they ran. Within a few minutes, they were at Yugi's house. The two of them grinned evilly at each other before storming into the house and attempting to annoy Yugi and Yami.  
  
The only problem was, they couldn't find neither Yugi nor Yami.  
  
"Where could those stupid idiots be, anyway?" growled Bakura, looking around.  
  
Malik shrugged. "Let's go look upstairs," he suggested, "The two idiots are probably making valentines or something equally useless."  
  
That being said, the two of them went upstairs, and wandered to where Yugi's room was. Bakura was just about to pick the lock to Yugi's door and open it when Yugi's voice said quite clearly, "OH! OH, YAMI!"  
  
It was also quite obvious what Yami and Yugi were doing, so Malik and Bakura exchanged glances and sweatdropped.  
  
"You go in there," Bakura said generously.  
  
"YES! YAMI!" Yugi's voice continued.  
  
Normally Malik wouldn't give a crap about barging in, but it sounded pretty intense. He bit his lip. "Well, Yugi is pretty innocent, so there's probably nothing going on, right? It's all a big misunderstanding?"  
  
"OH, YES!" Yugi's voice screamed. "DON'T STOP!"  
  
Sweatdropping again, Bakura nodded. "You're probably right. On the count of three?"  
  
Malik nodded. "Ok."  
  
"One . . . two . . . three . . . now!"  
  
They both stormed into the room, and then sweatdropped largely.  
  
"I'm allowed to be a little bit wrong, right?" Malik muttered.  
  
Yami, clad only in a pair of low leather pants stood over the bed, holding a whip. Yugi was cuffed to the bed, naked, and shivering with delight.  
  
Bakura and Malik groaned. "Ummm, hi?"  
  
Yami blinked at Bakura and Malik. Malik and Bakura blinked at Yami. There was silence. And then . . .  
  
"Unless you guys intend on joining in, would you please leave?" came Yugi's voice.  
  
Bakura and Malik blinked again, finding themselves doing everything else in unison. "Ummm," They said, looking at Yami, who shrugged.  
  
"Yugi likes this sort of stuff, and I find it rather amusing too. So, do you want to join it?"  
  
Bakura and Malik blinked yet again. "Ummm, right . . ."  
  
"This is so screwed up," Bakura muttered.  
  
"I'm all for running and pretending we never saw this," Malik replied.  
  
"Well?" Yugi demanded.  
  
Sweatdropping yet again, Bakura and Malik turned and ran far, far the hell away.  
  
~~~  
  
"Back so soon, guys?" Ryou asked, blinking. They had only been gone for just an hour, and now they were back? And neither of them seemed to be bloody or anything, so they couldn't have killed anyone. And both of them looked like they had just seen a ghost, so Ryou did the only thing he could, and asked, "What's up with you two?"  
  
Bakura shuddered, and shook his head. "You don't want to know."  
  
"Yami . . . Yugi . . handcuffs . . ." Malik shuddered as well.  
  
Ryou blinked. "You're right. I don't want to know."  
  
After a moment, however, Malik turned to Bakura. "You know, that actually isn't such a bad idea now that I think about it."  
  
Bakura nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right on that. So, ummm, you want to try it?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
" . .. I'll get the handcuffs. . . ."  
  
". . . I'll get the whip. . . "  
  
And off they ran, to be occupied for the next few hours. Ryou sweatdropped, and went back to cleaning.  
  
~~~  
  
By the time they came out of their room, it was almost 5 pm. Ryou blinked yet again as Malik limped to the table, and Bakura, smirking, sat down next to him. "Hey, Ryou, you have anything for Malik to drink? I think I wore him out a little . . ."  
  
"Bloody insane," Ryou muttered, getting out some tea, "Bloody insane, both of you."  
  
"We try."  
  
"It's Valentine's day!" Bakura said suddenly, "Here Malik, I have to give you a Valentine!"  
  
"This I've got to see," Ryou muttered to himself.  
  
Bakura got something out of his pocket and handed it to Malik. "Isis told me cherry was your favorite . . ."  
  
Ryou squeaked; he did not need to hear that.  
  
"Well, she's right," Malik said, "But I get to be on top, ok?"  
  
"Works for me," Bakura said, and off they went again.  
  
Ryou sweatdropped again, and made plans to disappear next Valentine's day. 


End file.
